Not a great way to start the month

So, I can say with a straight face that last night was the first time I've ever fed my depression. Seriously. I got off the phone with my mom and felt like taking a walk... and my walk took me to UDF for a pint of Homemade Dutch Chocolate Almond. *So ashamed* But I can also say that I didn't polish off the whole pint. I took one look at the calorie count and was instantly mortified. I saved the rest for today. There go those 12 lbs. I just lost.
Anyway, my problems may seem miniscule compared to other people's troubles, but they're my problems, so I happen to be particularly close to them. Aside from the fact that it feels like I'll never be able to dig myself out of the financial hole I've dug myself into, it's more depressing to know that my parents are in no better situation. And I can't help but feel repsonsible. Their troubles began when I left for school. They've struggled for the passed 4 years because they have to help me so much. Now, of course I can't be 100% sure that their situation wouldn't be the same if I wasn't in school, but I know that I don't help matters. My mom always says that she doesn't care about it, that she feels bad that she can't help me more, etc. But I always feel worse for not being able to help myself more. I'm the one who can't stand the thought of going to UT, who just has to go to OSU. I'm the one who ruined my credit the first year I got here, and I'm the one who doesn't work on Friday and Saturday! How long can I keep this up? I'm finishing my fourth year, knowing that there will be a fifth, and I'm tired.
And the fact that my grandmother is on hospice doesn't help either. I was never been particularly close to that grandma, especially since her mental condition has been on a steady decline since my grandfather passed away. But that doesn't make it any less frustrating to think that she's on her death bed, and my dad is depressed about it (not to mention at his whit's end because of his nutty siblings), and all we can do is wait for her to just let go. "It could be tomorrow, it could be next week," they keep saying, and they've been saying that for about two weeks now.
I guess I should just quit bitching before matters get worse, and we know they always can.