10 Things Men Don't Know About Women by Alyssa Milano

All right, I know it's been a while since I posted, but frankly that's because it's been that long since I had anything fun to share.
So, here ya go. I know they aren't necessarily universal, but I still think they're fun. Feel free to comment with your own.

1. Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a genderwide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy.

2. Women produce half the world's food but own only 1 percent of its farmland. So we're fine with you picking up the tab. And after about three thousand dinners at Nobu, we should be even.

3. Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn.

4. Women remember everything . Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend Cathy's pink top, which was big on her because Cathy is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Jack and Coke with two straws, and talking to Bill, that mutual friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod. This still infuriates her. ("How could you give me the nod?")

5. An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.

6. No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.) You have two options: Tie yourself to a tree and wait out the storm, or stock up at Tiffany's, toss a blue box or two into the wind, and hope for the best. We recommend the latter. (The key chain doesn't count.)

7. We think it's weird when you watch sports and concentrate to help your team.

8. "Hey, Melissa, who's the boss?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Phoebe, where'd you park your broomstick?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Alyssa, you look 250 pounds lighter than Brian Dennehy in that dress." Surprisingly good pickup line.

9. Women hear better than men. That's before you even factor in listening skills and attention spans. Come to think of it, I should have listed this one first because I'm sure I've lost you by now.

10. You may be surprised to know that women were responsible for inventing all of the following: the circular saw, the signal flare, the space suit, the bulletproof vest, and the windshield wiper. You're welcome.

And here are a few more from some other women:

3. Superskinny women really irritate us. We hate when they say, "Sometimes I just forget to eat." Now, I've forgotten my anniversary and where I parked my car. But I've never forgotten to eat.

9. If you can build something, brag about it, even if it's making sandwiches. Women love hearing about nice things you can do with your hands. Showing your hands off in moments of exasperation or self-explanation can be attractive to some women. Doing it in excess can drive her crazy!

1. It's the circumference, stupid! The numerical measurement of the bra has nothing to do with the size of our boobs.

2. When you order before us, the waiter secretively throws us a disgusted glance urging us to break up with you.

3. Hot girls want you to call them smart. Smart girls want you to call them hot.

11. Women over the age of twenty-two almost never get pregnant by surprise. If she wants to keep the baby and marry you immediately, you are, in fact, being trapped.

10. Women want empathy, not advice.

7. We can't hear a word you're saying if there are hairs coming out of your nose.

12. You would be crazy, too, if your insides fell out every twenty-eight days.